Wednesday, March 15, 2017

So someone suggested to me I should start posting my creative works here. Maybe get a following. Maybe force myself to stay on some sort of schedule. In either case I hope you will find some purpose in these works. It was my MIL who once said if you're going to write, make sure you have something to say.

So without further ado, here's what I got to say:

When Wars End
There is always war; somewhere. Some are just lucky enough not to live there at the time. To the city dwellers still snoozing their alarm clocks, it didn’t feel like a country at war. The sky was still dark, peppered with the few stars that filtered through the city lights. Store shutters jerked open, creaking as though awakened from a restless sleep. Eventually the sun made its welcome appearance among the yawning celestial objects- ready to retire from a night’s shift.

None thought this war would take long, if they thought of it at all. One side had morality to their advantage. The other, had morality and numbers. But after 10 years and no side more the winner, both countries began to feel the strain of limited resources. In the past, a great power would sweep over a decrepit empire until it too became decrepit and was conquered. Today wars were fought between superpowers in their prime, at least the wars worth reporting. But the essentials of war were unchanged. Today’s countries at war were both used to gluttonous and pampered lifestyles. Clothes were made in ever bigger sizes to accommodate, while soldiers (out of sight, out of mind) ran low in supplies.

That was when LongLast saw an opportunity for wealth and made its valiant effort to help redistribute resources from gorging mouths in safety to troops under constant threat.
            “Look great and eat as much as you want.”
            “New non-biodegradable solution for when you’re craving more after meals.”
Unlike most diet fads, this one worked, and importantly didn’t require anyone to move a muscle, unless it was in their jaw.

Longlast made huge profit margins, in the meantime. It became a house staple. Doctors hailed it as the wonder food to feed the nation. “A cure to obesity!”
Longlast expanded their market worldwide and even found a demand in the nation warring against their homeland.

After such an ongoing successful business, Mr. Long and Mr. Last joined in conference to discuss expansion plans. “Our goal was to help our troops, how are we doing that if we give the same product to the enemy, so they divert more for their military force?”
“Brother,” Long pulled Last in close and walked him to the floor-to-ceiling windows.
“You remember when we were younger? That little town we grew up in? The 1st time I flew in a plane was when I realized that at 30,000 feet I couldn’t tell the difference between that hopeless little place and the big cities.  You’re thinking too small. We’re all one, in the end, aren’t we? There is no enemy really.” Long chuckled and gave Last a wink, “After all, it would only be fair for your name to come 1st in the brand this time, eh?”

Mr. Last stared out the window at the empire they had built. It was only a number of years ago he spied out a different window- smaller without a view- wondering if he’d ever find a job that wasn’t at the rundown supermarket. The rundown supermarket, where the only thing super about it was it still stayed in business where nearly all other ventures collapsed.
“I’ll chew on it” said Mr. Last at last.  Money had no allegiances and under the new name (because politics and marketing) LastLong expanded to enemy territory.

When LastLong came to the market, the leaders couldn’t be happier. They read all the health reports about LongLast (LL) but couldn’t get access to the patent documents. Now they too could depend on more supplies going for their war effort.

Unexpectedly there was another benefit to the product found worldwide: population control, especially of the lower classes who were loyal LL shoppers-- mostly because of cost, longevity, ease of transport and lack of other products sold in their areas. Scientists noted the rise in the upper and middle class, decline of the lower class and touted LL with even more rigor for closing the gap between the rich and poor. Due to its sweet taste it was also highly addictive. Then again sugar, alcohol, and cigarettes always shared a separate fate compared to those other ill-fitted drugs.

Unbeknownst to the makers and suppliers, LL began to cross-contaminate other food chains. It was only when the elite were diagnosed with malnutrition that the cries of protesters, who had long been outspoken regarding their decimating populations among the lower classes, was taken up by lobbyists in suits. Papers were scrutinized and found to have conflicts of interest (though these were always reported but not found to affect the research). Independent research was conducted, retracting much of the interpretations found in earlier statements.

Mr. Long and Mr. Last could not much reflect on this state of affairs as they too were being treated for malnutrition.
“We couldn’t know” they thought as their bellies ached and they slacked in their bed exhausted-- even after a full night’s rest.
The world was dying from malnutrition and starvation but everyone ate at least 3 meals a day. In fact, more bellies were filled than before LL.

With leaders hooked to IVs reports and updates were slow in coming. Still there was dusk and there was dawn, despite the problems of humanity. Soldiers received little news from their loved ones, if they were still alive to send news. After many months of silence from their governments, the two leading generals met with booming voices and laughter. Soldiers became hopeful about peaceful resolutions. Some looked over enemy lines to find an image not unlike their own gazing back. Had the generals not been in uniform, passersby would not have been able to tell one from the other. But in the end talk was moot, both pointed to the last papers they had been sent.
“We have our orders,” they buzzed and the stampede of bullets resumed.
When next it rose, the sun laughed over the steel empire shining beneath. And somewhere in the middle of nowhere, a lone supermarket closed its doors.


Copyright YZ 
I'll be the first to admit this blog can get melodramatic.

There, now you're (or am I still the only one who reads this?) forewarned.



Sunday, February 7, 2016

What has become of this blog? Different seasons, different climates. How much we/I owe to steady changes!
I think I know what I want from it now. I want it to be a place I can vent my frustrations regarding the troubles I see with the world. The grand scheme. Scheme is certainly the proper word for it; life and events unraveling or raveling as some masters behind the scenes sneakily pull at the strings.

I want this to be a place we talk about politics, corruption, slavery, innocence, guilt, but also occasionally laughter and flatulence. There has to be room for the silly, we/I have to make room for it. Otherwise it's too dark, foreboding, and false.






Here is a poem in honor of my little one:

Wean Me Gently

Tonight, this final embrace of our bodies

let your last suckle be long,

For those sleepless nights cradling

your head and hands on my alien bosom.

Tomorrow when your small frame wakes

it will be less little and less mine

and it will be for the better;

but for now there is this sound of peace and love--

my heartbeat against your gulps of mother's milk.

copyright Y.Z.




Thursday, March 13, 2014

A poem for the reader's I don't have:


Remember

My baby teeth would recall 
Smiles from daydreams ago
But they’ve left me
these old pearls in their place.
My feet would recall
twirling to folk music, in haste;
spilling from grandpa’s accordion,
to the life I thought would befall.
But I’ve left them, absentees,
this me in my place.
The disappointment, though
all my old parts would have never expected.
Or those smiles from daydreams ago.
 Copyright Y.Z.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

I wish we could run away from life and into each other. No work. No school. Just you and me and our love. Nothing to keep us apart or distracted. All the time in the world is not enough to spend with you and now the time I have must be diluted by responsibilities.

You are my one joy. Where ever I may run, it is always to be closer to you.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

All these doubts and inconsistencies I've noticed in the Talmud is not all for naught. The explanation "we just don't understand G-d's way" is no longer sufficient.

Luckily, Judaism has not always been this warped. This unreachable. Real Judaism does allow for dialogue, discussion, and evolution. I do not mean back in the 2nd century. I mean now. Today.

Karaite Jews. The more I learn, the more I want to know.
Here's a quick excerpt:
"Karaites place no value in the interpretations of the majority or the customs of the forefathers. On the contrary, Scripture teaches us: "Do not go after the majority to do evil" (Exodus 23:2). The prophets also warn us against following in the errant footsteps of the ancestors, as it is written: "be not like your fathers. who acted treacherously against יְהוָה"  
(2 Chronicles [Bet Divrei HaYamim] 30:7), and again: "they shall not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation" (Psalms 78:8). The same warning applies to the laws invented out of men's hearts, which the prophets call the "commandment of men learned by rote" (Isaiah 29:13)."

How wonderful a concept-- that we must be following the words of G-d not some outdated traditions made by Rabbis way back when.

That it is up to each and everyone of us to truly study and interpret the Tanakh.

Perhaps the real oral torah delivered from Sinai was this: to always use scripture for interpretation. Just that and then Rabbanites used their interpretations and made them law. How sad. I would love for a public debate between Rabbanites and Karaites. Dialogue needs to be resurrected between these 2 groups. One is wholly astray and should at the least, be made aware.

Thursday, April 5, 2012



Life is grand and wondrous. Full of opportunity. Full of glitz, glam and fortune. For some.
For others it is dull, grey, and vacuous. It is horrid that we live in a world carrying the burden of unjust deaths and murders.
But this post is to thank this world. Thank you for my wonderful fiance, who makes everyday a dream. Thank you for my acceptance into Columbia grad school for genetics. I may not have done what I set out to do with this blog but somehow adventure and love found me either way. I've been able to settle the confusions of my past and maintain the lifestyle so vital to me now. Since my last post I've been to Argentina, which I didn't like and Costa Rica, which I did. We all toot our horns to different tunes but if you listen closely, you'll see it doesn't matter unless you let it.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

While this blog was initially made to discuss the songs I've been living it has often led me to think of those songs I am not living, of those I cannot live. I've been having many doubts lately. Doubts about religion. If its truly as beautiful as I want to believe then why must I interpret it in my favor? Why is pursuit of intelligence and creativity shunted? I am not a penguin, can't be one.



Religion is like smoking cigarettes. Smokers know it gives them cancer but they've put so much of themselves into the tobacco they need something back, even if it's a metastasizing tumor.

Romance with Torah:

Waited but not long enough
To slough the scent
Of a supplement so rough.
Like a cigar to a vent
A bent inhalation-
One ration in and then sent
Out for preparation.
Cannot swirl you in deeper
With a reaper to gather
And lather for keeper
For a tongue to slather.
You’re like a cigarette
A threat to inhale just one time
So climb into depth
Can’t withhold the grime.
So coughing and choking
A stroking for measure
This pleasure of smoking
Is the package’s treasure.
Though you’re not fire
To admire your heat
Is for too sweet a liar
And here’s just a cheat.
Burned going down
And around till back up
To sup worth from a clown
Whose runneth over the cup.
When you leave, the taste
Of haste on the tongue stays
With strays of tar waste
Thick there for days.
You’re a habit I’m used to
Not new to using
Though bruising is true
For those musing
But the smell on the clothes
It goes to the heart,
to chart how it grows
as it breathes every part.
Expensive to buy
But to deny you is worse
So the purse will reply
paid in full by reverse.

copyright Y.Z.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The idea of missing a place, a time, or a moment is foreign to none. We share these confused emotions across the game board that determine our land boundaries. Yet the emotions are met with showers of disdain. While we may change as individuals the influences in our surroundings do not change in our absence. Therein lies the confusion, since the feeling of loss is both for the changes acquired and the habits forsaken. Often we forget what we miss, as different moments coalesce. The hard truth about missing someone/thing is because the emotion that underlies all the nostalgia and confusion is fear. Fear for the stagnant that our lives once yearned to engulf themselves in.


The song for today was 'Starlight' by Muse:



Our journeys, emotions, and memories all bring us back to a place of struggle; be it against our physical or psychological mortality. I have so much to miss.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I know I haven't posted all the music I have been living and the excuse is... I have been to busy living the songs.

I just returned from India yesterday. The songs I have heard, sang, thought, and lived were so flavored with adrak and achar my mouth still burns and waters after it. Although this blog has taken a different form all together because of my negligence I have never faltered from the mission I set out with it. Unfortunately I cannot begin again where I left off, somehow in life this track is always doomed for failure. As such I cannot merely make a bulk post of all the songs I have lived (it has been far more than 100 and far different from the list I had originally compiled). Plans are to be broken, however.


Life shouldn't go only according to plan. That is cheating yourself.

Friday, January 1, 2010

So I spent the past week looking for some songs to live. I need to make this somewhat organized. After all, some days I'll be too busy to live a song and I'll have to just live (nothing wrong with that). So below are some songs I've picked out so far. Any suggestions (try to keep them a tad realistic) are appreciated. Happy New Year everyone.

With the new year comes the first song to be lived:
It's Just Another New Year's Eve -Barry Manilow


My New Years Eve was exactly this, distant and nostalgic. Movies always make it seem as though New Years is a magical time but the truth is it's just another New Years eve. As a kid New Years Eve meant so much more to me, or maybe that is the selective memory talking. It's 2010 and a year from now it will be 2011 and a year from then it will be 2012, etc. etc. etc. (Who knows after 2012, though eh?) The media makes it seem as though that one minute makes the greatest difference but for me nothing has changed. I'm still Yelena and you're you. New years is just that, a new year... nothing else and there is nothing wrong with that. For some reason I'm so inclined to think there's a problem that my life is not following the road of some New Years movie but that's really the best part. I don't need midnight on Dec 31st to mark a change, any midnight, any minute, will do. Let me tell you a secret about New Years, (something all those movies and songs don't want to tell you) it is special for mainly one reason: it's another excuse to party.



The Judds- Grandpa (Tell Me ‘Bout the Good Old Days”)
(Sittin on) the Dock of the Bay, Otis Redding
Frank Sinatra - New York
Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer
Lean On Me, Bill Withers
Do You Believe in Magic, The Lovin' Spoonful
Heart of Glass, Blondie
With a Little Help From My Friends, The Beatles
Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This), Eurythmics
Sweet Home Alabama, Lynyrd Skynyrd
Like a Rolling Stone, Bob Dylan
What's Going On, Marvin Gaye
Respect, Aretha Franklin
A Change Is Gonna Come, Sam Cooke
Yesterday, The Beatles
Ramble On, Led Zeppelin
Purple Haze, Jimi Hendrix
Let It Be, The Beatles
Living for the City, Stevie Wonder
Folsom Prison Blues, Johnny Cash
Smoke on the Water, Deep Purple
Judy Garland - "Over the Rainbow"
Don't stop believin- journey
John Lennon - Imagine
Johnny Nash- I can see clearly now
Men at Work- Down under
Doors- People are strange
Frank Zappa- Dog breath
America Horse with no name
Petula Clark- Downtown
Cindy Lauper- Girls just wanna have fun
Bruce Springsteen- Dancing in the dark
Jethro Tull- Aqualung
Tom Petty - Free Fallin
Bruce Springsteen - Atlantic City

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Today started off without alarm-- literally. My phone malfunctioned, deleted all my media files and did not ring at 8am. Somehow I managed to get up and going at 2pm.

Later today at the gym I witnessed a blatant disregard for unspoken gym rules for the first time. If there is ever a line for machinery or in this case, the sit up station, always look at the order of people who went before you and then make a place for yourself in the line. Well today I witnessed someone who either didn't know about this or didn't care. I stepped off to let the 2nd person (whose turn it was) go, he finished, the 1st guy came back, then it was my turn again but the 2nd person went and skipped me. Etiquette please!

Either way that was no different than any other day. The real change is I have 364 days to live the lyrics of a 100 songs. Today is day 2 of my 365 day goal of changing my life around in the midst of obtaining both my degrees, work, volunteering, and maintaining a fitness regiment. I'm not going to give any of that up, you shouldn't have to in order to get some adventure in life. Adventure is not about waiting for some major change in your life that will redefine every moment, it's not about sacrifice of reality. Adventure is an experience and that I (as do we all) have plenty of.
Not everyone is born with special gifts. Heck, some who are don't even know or worse fail regardless. I'll make it brief, this blog is about us, the forgettables. We have no superhuman strength, dexterity, or intelligence; and no refined taste in art, music, or cuisine. I'm just like you and I'm sick of it too. I want a special gift and if I couldn't be born with one, I'll darn well make sure to die with one.

This is the inception of my special gift. No worries, I like to share.
I won't discuss the disappointments of college and stress over the future in a bitter economy. That was another blog I wrote once many years ago. I was probably 15 then and an avid listener of Nirvana.
I won't discuss my efforts to find the one man in the world untarnished by mass media that has me feeling more lonely.

This will not be about perfections or imperfections. It will be about doing something we can all do. I don't live in a movie and most of you don't either. We can't all just up and go on a jungle excursion.

So to the apathetic, sympathetic, and pathetic stay in your couch and read on. This is an adventure that fits your schedule.